God was wise when he put my career on hold for five years. I have along history of self-inflicted high standards and a strong work ethic, sometimes to the point of unhealthiness. I joke that it took me this long to completely unwind. But it's not actually a joke. It's the truth.
I've lived many years feeling anxious and tense and like I was always a failure, never doing enough. Or even that I myself wasn't enough. All that time God was trying to get my attention and teach me something deeply freeing: You are enough.
I am enough.
No matter what I do or do not accomplish or complete. No matter how quiet and small my life might be, both in this moment and in the days and years to come.
I am already enough. And I am so very loved.
From that deep and satisfying truth I can embark on this adventure of starting a business without the pressure of success.
Mostly. As it turns out this business thing is being used by God to teach me a thing or two.
One of those things is patience with slow growth.
Many years ago now I planted a new garden. The baby plants looked impossibly small in a sea of mulch. Not at all what I envisioned. And yet I held out hope for the vision I had in my mind's eye of what could be.
And so it goes with my business, impossibly small in the ocean of Etsy and the universe of the Internet. I continue on, holding in my heart the vision for what slow growth could bring.
And trusting. Trusting God when he tells me "You are enough."